Quotes
"If you're happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game show host" Winona Ryder in "Heathers" 1989"
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. " Tom Clancy
Paralyzed from the neck down after crashing his rental car in France, Formula 1 team owner Frank Williams announced: 'So, I'm in a wheelchair. Tough shit.'
"Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes"
"Inflammable means flammable? What a strange country!" -Dr. Nick,
"I don't need this, I've got a masters degree in folklore mythology." Comic Book Store Guy
"Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Star Trek could be worse, but only if it was sung.
Life'll kill ya...
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
"Inflammable means flammable? What a strange country!" -Dr. Nick, The Simpsons
GEORGE: She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Pee Wee Herman: "There's things about me you don't know, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand."
Dottie: "I don't understand."
Pee Wee Herman: "You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."
I don't need this, I've got a masters degree in folklore mythology.
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." --Jerry Garcia
99% of serial killers drank milk when they were a child. Therefore, if YOU drank milk when YOU where a child, stay the hell away from me you milk drinking murdering bastard.
Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter.
"Better luck next time, and please pay me $5,000 since I suffered whiplash
jolting my neck away from my monitor when your picture popped up."
"This is a very delicate issue that can only be solved by me not caring
about it."
"Forty years from now when the internet collapses in a giant implosion of
stupidity I want to be able to say, 'I was there.'"
"Fuck you, Imagineering Inc, for breaking the sacred bond of trust between
gamers and developers that no more than 1/3 of a level will take place
inside an air duct."
"As I said above, the basis of this website is to take a small number of
jokes and drive them into the cold, cold ground."
"Due to various circumstances, one being the fact that I am an idiot, I
had gotten to sleep at about 5:30 AM and thusly was hitting the sleep
doubly hard as usual. If sleep were a battered wife, I'd be some genetic
recombination of OJ Simpson and Mike Tyson in a perpetual drunken rage."
"One time I was walking home through the park and I saw a UFO in the sky
with "GOODYEAR" written on it so I got home and wrote to Goodyear telling
them unless they gave me fifty million bucks then their dirty little space
secret was out. They never wrote back so now you know what they're up to
and if you buy some of their tires you'll be funding Martian death fleets
and guess who will be laughing when your corpse is frying like bacon on
the hood of my Chrysler? Me, that's who. I'll be the one laughing, not the
dead one. That will be you, you the dead guy, and me the one laughing. At
you."
Tequila has no history; there are no anecdotes confirming its birth.
This is how it’s been since the beginning of time, for tequila is a gift from the gods
and they don’t tend to offer fables when bestowing favors.
That is the job of mortals, the children of panic and tradition.
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." -George Carlin
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"God says do what you wish, but make the wrong choice and you will be tortured for eternity in hell. That sir, is not free will. It would be akin to a man telling his girlfriend, do what you wish, but if you choose to leave me, I will track you down and blow your brains out. When a man says this we call him a psychopath and cry out for his imprisonment. When god says the same we call him "loving" and build churches in his honor."
Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph. -- Jim Samuels
"Just once, I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'you're making a scene'." --Homer
"You come out on a Monday night and you shun your responsibilities and you
say fuck work. I appreciate that. Because you can tell ... you can tell
your fucking boss I said fuck you, from me, Bob Pollard. 'Cause I don't like
work. And I don't like school. And I don't like when you have to do shit
that you don't want to do."
"We must learn the fine arts of war and independence so that our children can learn architecture and engineering so that their children may learn the fine arts and painting" - John Quincey Adams
"In them you'll find
one .45-caliber automatic,
two boxes ammunition,
four days' concentrated emergency rations,
one drug issue containing antibiotics,
morphine,
vitamin pills,
pep pills,
sleeping pills,
tranquilizing pills,
one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible,
one hundred dollars in rubles,
one hundred dollars in gold,
five packs of chewing gum,
one issue prophylactics,
three lipsticks,
three pair of nylon stockings ...
Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."
Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Noel Coward
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." -- Mel Brooks
Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.
- Kurt Vonnegut
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.
- Umberto Eco
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." - Robert X. Cringely
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
- A. Whitney Brown
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. " Tom Clancy
Paralyzed from the neck down after crashing his rental car in France, Formula 1 team owner Frank Williams announced: 'So, I'm in a wheelchair. Tough shit.'
"Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes"
"Inflammable means flammable? What a strange country!" -Dr. Nick,
"I don't need this, I've got a masters degree in folklore mythology." Comic Book Store Guy
"Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Star Trek could be worse, but only if it was sung.
Life'll kill ya...
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
"Inflammable means flammable? What a strange country!" -Dr. Nick, The Simpsons
GEORGE: She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Pee Wee Herman: "There's things about me you don't know, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand."
Dottie: "I don't understand."
Pee Wee Herman: "You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."
I don't need this, I've got a masters degree in folklore mythology.
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." --Jerry Garcia
99% of serial killers drank milk when they were a child. Therefore, if YOU drank milk when YOU where a child, stay the hell away from me you milk drinking murdering bastard.
Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter.
"Better luck next time, and please pay me $5,000 since I suffered whiplash
jolting my neck away from my monitor when your picture popped up."
"This is a very delicate issue that can only be solved by me not caring
about it."
"Forty years from now when the internet collapses in a giant implosion of
stupidity I want to be able to say, 'I was there.'"
"Fuck you, Imagineering Inc, for breaking the sacred bond of trust between
gamers and developers that no more than 1/3 of a level will take place
inside an air duct."
"As I said above, the basis of this website is to take a small number of
jokes and drive them into the cold, cold ground."
"Due to various circumstances, one being the fact that I am an idiot, I
had gotten to sleep at about 5:30 AM and thusly was hitting the sleep
doubly hard as usual. If sleep were a battered wife, I'd be some genetic
recombination of OJ Simpson and Mike Tyson in a perpetual drunken rage."
"One time I was walking home through the park and I saw a UFO in the sky
with "GOODYEAR" written on it so I got home and wrote to Goodyear telling
them unless they gave me fifty million bucks then their dirty little space
secret was out. They never wrote back so now you know what they're up to
and if you buy some of their tires you'll be funding Martian death fleets
and guess who will be laughing when your corpse is frying like bacon on
the hood of my Chrysler? Me, that's who. I'll be the one laughing, not the
dead one. That will be you, you the dead guy, and me the one laughing. At
you."
Tequila has no history; there are no anecdotes confirming its birth.
This is how it’s been since the beginning of time, for tequila is a gift from the gods
and they don’t tend to offer fables when bestowing favors.
That is the job of mortals, the children of panic and tradition.
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." -George Carlin
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"God says do what you wish, but make the wrong choice and you will be tortured for eternity in hell. That sir, is not free will. It would be akin to a man telling his girlfriend, do what you wish, but if you choose to leave me, I will track you down and blow your brains out. When a man says this we call him a psychopath and cry out for his imprisonment. When god says the same we call him "loving" and build churches in his honor."
Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph. -- Jim Samuels
"Just once, I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'you're making a scene'." --Homer
"You come out on a Monday night and you shun your responsibilities and you
say fuck work. I appreciate that. Because you can tell ... you can tell
your fucking boss I said fuck you, from me, Bob Pollard. 'Cause I don't like
work. And I don't like school. And I don't like when you have to do shit
that you don't want to do."
"We must learn the fine arts of war and independence so that our children can learn architecture and engineering so that their children may learn the fine arts and painting" - John Quincey Adams
"In them you'll find
one .45-caliber automatic,
two boxes ammunition,
four days' concentrated emergency rations,
one drug issue containing antibiotics,
morphine,
vitamin pills,
pep pills,
sleeping pills,
tranquilizing pills,
one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible,
one hundred dollars in rubles,
one hundred dollars in gold,
five packs of chewing gum,
one issue prophylactics,
three lipsticks,
three pair of nylon stockings ...
Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."
Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Noel Coward
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." -- Mel Brooks
Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.
- Kurt Vonnegut
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.
- Umberto Eco
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." - Robert X. Cringely
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
- A. Whitney Brown
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